An Open Letter to My Body

Dear Body,

This is sort of weird. You and I have had a turbulent relationship. For 20 years and 7 months, you have been my home, and you always will be. You contain my vital organs, you are the vessel that allows me to carry myself through life, and for that I am grateful. As a child, I don't remember looking at you the same way I do now. I was comfortable with you, I ran around in shorts and t-shirts, arms and legs flailing around without a care in the world. It wasn't until I was older, around 12 and I started attending more dance classes which older girls that I guess I became aware of how different bodies can be, although I wasn't aware of it at the time, I guess looking back that was probably what made me become aware of my own body. I watched girls extending their legs, feet tied into pointe shoes, muscles stretching and flexing as they moved across the floor. When I looked at myself in the mirror, in my leotard and tights, I didn't look the same. I was too tall, my ribs were too raised, my hips too wide, my thighs a little too close together. And I've always had ugly feet, the type that didn't feel worthy of those delicate ballet shoes.

 I attended slimming classes, and the routine and results I found made me happy. As long as the numbers on the scales were going down, or staying the same, I felt more confident. When people started noticing that you were changing, places on you becoming slimmer and tighter, I felt a thrill like none other. But when I reached my target, I still wasn't happy with how you looked. Sure, losing weight had made me feel better momentarily, but it hadn't changed you. You can't change bone structure. My hips were still wide, sure I had a bridge of light coming through my thighs, but they were still thicker than I thought they should be. It didn't seem fair. I had worked hard, and you, Body, had let me down. Other girls had bodies that looked better and they weren't trying. How come I was trying, but still wasn't happy with you?

When I started to become more interested in fashion, I came to accept I could never wear the clothes I liked, because they didn't suit me. For four years, I didn't wear trousers. Instead, I chose skirts and dresses that skimmed over the tops of my thighs, hiding them from the non-existent scrutiny of my friends, in clothes that were probably better suited to someone ten years older. There were times I would take armfuls of clothes I loved into changing rooms, only to look at the reflection staring back at me and be so angrily disappointed at how I looked. Once again, you were ruining the ideas I had in my head. Even though I was an ideal weight, clothes hung limply from my waist, because I had to get the size up to fit my boobs and bum in. One day, I just got tired. I got a pair of jeans, I put you in them, and I didn't care anymore. I decided to see what I liked, and just ignore the parts I was bothered by. Well, that was my theory. There are still times when it's hard, and I feel like I want to change every part of you, but my acceptance of you is getting better.

I like my lips. They are soft, and warm in colour. I like my teeth, that are routinely praised by my dentist. I like my boobs that are soft, yet firm, and sit upon my ribs that I also like, because they protect my vital organs, and sculpt my waist, that I have learnt to appreciate. I have grown to love my hips that have given me my hourglass shape, and will one day aid me in being able to bear children of my own. Right now, there are parts about you I'm still not keen on, and that will probably always be an ongoing battle between us. But I am learning to appreciate you the way I appreciate the bodies that belong to other people, rather than critiquing you in a way I never see others.

I've marked you (so far) with two tattoos, and four piercings. I've dyed the hair that's attached to you, I've shaved other parts of it off. I've tanned you, moisturised you, scrutinised you. I've done several 12 hour shifts in you, stretching you, testing you, tiring you. I've held new born babies in the arms you've shaped, and held the hand of a dying person between the fingers you have grown. I have slathered cream on my face in an attempt to fix the acne you have kindly graced me with, I have painted you with make up almost every day for four years. I have squeezed you into clothes that don't fit, and I have covered you in sizes too big.I have been angry at you for not being what I want you to be, but I have never thanked you for the strength you give me, or the parts I like.

Thank you, Body. For not once failing me, or breaking, or giving up. I'm sorry I can't appreciate you more, but know I am trying.

Megan x

Breakfast Ideas

We all know breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and usually I have a smoothie, but on days where I have more time, am eating later, am super hungry or just want something different, I sometimes find myself struggling for some ideas! Hopefully this post can bring you some inspiration of what to eat too! 

I love porridge, and I love fruit so this for me is a lovely combination. For this porridge, I made it on the stove, with one cup cold water and a splash of milk. I just heat it up and keep stirring until its at the consistency I like. Then I topped it with slice bananas, blueberries and a strawberry. 

I really try to get my five a day, so a fruit salad is an easy way to get most of your five a day in the first meal. I just slice up all these fruits and put it in a bowl. You could squeeze it with lemon and keep it in the fridge for up to three days if you want to make a big batch, the lemon should stop your fruit going brown. You could use it mixed with granola and yoghurt too.

It's really important to drink water when you wake up, one to kick start your metabolism, but also, you've been asleep for (hopefully) 8 hours and you need to drink! I have a big glass of water here with frozen mixed berries for added flavour. I also have a cup of english breakfast tea with almond milk. Here I have porridge I made by just topping oats with almond milk, blitzed in the microwave for two minutes, and stirred in some raw cocoa powder in.

Pancakes are a really nice brunch or weekend breakfast food, I just used a basic American pancake recipe, which was just about a cup of plain flour, half a teaspoon of salt, 1 teaspoon of baking powder and caster sugar, a cup of milk, 1 egg and some butter/oil for frying. These are really nice, but not very sweet, so you could mash up a banana, add more sugar, or use your toppings to sweeten your pancakes. I used icing sugar and half a banana. 

A fun experimental breakfast I made for Lauren and I was cloud eggs. That particular day they were all over social media, and I like cooking so I gave it a go. You just separate the egg white and yolk, whisk up the whites until they are stiff, like a meringue, then put onto a piece of non stick baking parchment on a tray in two mounds (or one mound for every egg you use), and cook it for 4 minutes, or until firm. Then carefully add the raw yolk into the little dip in the white, and cook for a further 3 minutes. I served ours on a slice of toast, half an avocado, and a sprinkle of paprika. They were really nice!

I hope the pictures and recipes gave you a few new ideas for your breakfast! 

Skin Care Favourites

I am obsessed with skin care. Which is ironic, considering my skin is probably my biggest insecurity, and has been troublesome since I can remember. I suffered with eczema when I was little, and acne as a teen. I still battle with hormonal acne, and have scarring. I have had micro dermabrasion and am always looking for products that work with my skin. I religiously read Caroline Hirons' blog, if you don't know who she is then for your skin's sake, look her up. Please. I have broken the skin care up into sections, and all I am currently missing is a serum as I have struggled to find one that doesn't break me out, besides the Body Shop Vitamin E Serum, which is good but I have run out!

Cleansers

I personally like to use a balm cleanser, which is in solid form. You should apply it to dry skin, and work it into the skin, and it will magically melt off your make up. Then I use a hot cloth/flannel to remove the cleanser and be left with clean, soft skin. I use this morning and night, a little goes a long way. My favourite is currently the Clinique 'Take the Day Off' Balm, which can be purchased from Boots for £23.

If you prefer a cleansing oil, I love this Body Shop Camomile Cleanser, which also comes in a balm form which I prefer (and is cheaper!), but this is lovely. You use 1-2 pumps (or more if you are wearing really heavy make up) and apply to dry skin, and remove as above. This is £12 from The Body Shop. 

Toner/Acid/Exfoliator 

I am still learning about this step to be honest, but 'acids' are used to help regenerate and resurface your skin. Acid is a strong word, but you can get weak, mild acids that are good for your skin. The three main acids I have explored are Salicylic acid, Glycolic acid and Hyaluronic acids. Salicylic acid is anti-inflammatory, anti bacterial and anti-acne. Which for me is a must as I am prone to break outs. Glycolic acid is also anti-acne, and gently removes any dead skin. Hyaluronic acid helps attract and retain moisture, and is thought to help with anti-ageing. Some acid toners can be expensive, but these Nip + Fab Glycolic Fix Night Pads Extreme are usually on offer, and although say extreme, are gentle enough to use every other day, and contain glycolic and salicylic acid. I got mine from Boots for £9.97. To use, simply take a pad and swipe over the face after cleansing, avoiding the eye area. I only use this at night.

I also use the Clinique Pep-Start exfoliator scrub, which I really like. It has no synthetic micro-beads in it, and I feel like my skin feels softer and more moisturised after a use. I use this about twice a week in the morning, after I have cleansed. It is £16.50 from Boots.

Facial Sprays

I like to use a facial spray after I have toned/exfoliated to calm the skin, and I am currently using the La Roche-Posay Serozinc Spray, which is designed to target areas of acne prone skin and calm them, as well as removing any excess oil. I use this in the morning and evening, but also during the day over make up if my skin is looking tired and dull. A bit unnecessary, but so calming. It is £8.50 in Boots.

Eye Creams

I alternate the eye cream I use, and honestly I am really bad at using an eye cream because I often rub my eyes a lot when I'm getting tired, and that means I tend to get it into my eye which hurts. A lot. I only use my eye cream at night, and I alternate between two. Clinique Pep-Start Eye Cream (pictured above) which is £22, really brightens the under eye.

I also use the Estee Lauder Advanced Night Repair Eye Synchronised Complex, which retails at £42 at Boots. This is a lovely cream, it is rich but not too heavy, and has a cooling sensation on the under eye, and does have a great impact on the puffiness under my eyes and seems to reduce the lines I have from lack of sleep, and reduces a little of the darkness.

Moisturiser

Now, typically if I had a serum, I would apply it now, before my moisturiser. I want to use my moisturiser to lock in all the hydration that comes from the serum, and lock in all the benefits of the products I am using. Currently I am using the La Roche-Posay Effaclar H Moisturiser. This is designed for acne-prone, oily skin. However, it is also designed to keep the dry parts of your skin moisturised, and the oily parts less oily if that makes sense. It works really well on my combination skin. When I use this, my skin is clearer and feels softer. It is also a great base for make up as it isn't sticky. I use this morning and night, and it is £15 at Boots.

Anti-Blemish

I recently started using the La-Roche-Posay Effaclar Duo(+), which is £15.50 also in Boots (pictured above).  I put this on over my moisturiser in any areas that have any marks or spots. This product is designed to reduce the size of spots, but also remove any scarring, which I really suffer with. Since using this, my skin texture appears to be more even, and I am really happy with the results, as it hasn't dried my skin out. I use this product as and when I need it.


I do use other skin care products intermittently, but these are what I am currently enjoying using.

Megan x

Anxiety Management

I'm really excited for this blog post, as I have been working in collaboration with Kalms and Spink Health in conjunction with the launch of the new Kalms Lavender, and their #livelifeready campaign.

Anxiety is defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome, and new research suggests it most commonly affects those of us under 35. It is both psychological:-poor concentration, restlessness, dread, agitation amongst some symptoms, and physical:-headaches, racing heartbeat, sweating, a dry mouth. With both of these factors considered, the quality of life, wellbeing and health can be compromised for those with anxiety, so it is important that we are educated to spot the signs and how to ease them.

I have mentioned in previous blog posts that I sometimes struggle with anxiety. Personally it manifests as sometimes feeling like I am out of my depth, and extremely overthinking in certain situations, as well as often feeling overwhelmed. The feeling of panic often associated with anxiety occurs for me when I am faced with a particularly intense situation, or where the situation is unfamiliar to me. This can have an impact on the decisions I make, for example I am often early wherever I go because I avoid travelling during rush hour, as busy small spaces such as the underground can induce a panic attack. However, by knowing this trigger, I can adapt my plans to avoid this anxious feeling, or I can build myself up for it in advance.

Kalms' campaign #livelifeready encourages conversation on what steps we can take to help us overcome feelings of anxiety. For some of us, that may be listening to music or meditating. I try to focus on activities that give me a feeling of control, for example I find bullet journalling helps me when I am feeling anxious as it allows me to be creative, but also allows me to feel grounded as I can schedule my plans and deadlines so I can be fully prepared for the coming weeks. Kalms invite you to keep track of your experience over a week and share your tips to help people get through anxious moments on social media, or by opening up conversations with those around you.

I like to remind myself of places in the world where I can be in big open spaces. Living in London, I find sometimes my anxiety can be fuelled by feeling a bit trapped and suffocated. This is when I find two things really helpful. One is if I am in a space that I can't get out of, for example a lecture where I need to stay and listen to the information, a train to get somewhere or even being in a crowded street or shopping centre, and I feel that all too familiar dread creeping on, I can take one Kalms Lavender. Lavender itself has a lot of calming properties, and I find even the distraction of taking the capsule is enough to distract me from my symptoms of anxiety. A sense of calm is often experienced and I feel like I can overcome the worries or anxieties I am experiencing.

          The second thing that keeps my anxiety at bay is experiencing the wide open spaces I was referring to earlier. Home for me, where my family live, is fortunately home to some of the most beautiful beaches in the UK so I try to visit whenever I can and take time on my trip to go to the beach and feel the peacefulness and listen to the rhythmicity of the waves. Where my partner lives is in the middle of nowhere so there are many fields and lots of land we can go and explore. In London, there are many parks and green spaces, some of my favourites being Hyde Park, Kew Gardens and St James' Park.

The #livelifeready campaign also suggests taking slow, steady breaths when feeling anxious helps to calm you, taking mindful moments, knowing your triggers, making time to talk and writing down your worries to offload them from your mind can help you beat your anxiety.

Kalms Lavender One-A-Day Capsules are a new launch from Kalms. Kalms Lavender One-A-Day Capsules is a traditional herbal medicinal product used for the temporary relief of the symptoms of mild anxiety, such as stress and nervousness, exclusively based on long standing use as a traditional herbal remedy. Always read the label. If you are experiencing severe symptoms of anxiety that last for over two weeks, I strongly recommend seeking professional help from your GP who can support you further. Kalms Lavender One-A-Day capsules are available in Boots, Asda and online at www.kalmsrange.com RRP £6.49.

I hope this post has encouraged you to start up a conversation about anxiety, and given you some new ways to manage any anxiety you experience.